I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
