Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
