And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
