Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
