Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize