Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
only you would photoshop your dick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
