So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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