just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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