I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
