im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
