Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
