I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You smell like stripper and shame
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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