Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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