I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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