One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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