It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't turn off my feet"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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