wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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