Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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