I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
