her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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