I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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