she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
