did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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