So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
