I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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