NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
