I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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