found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
