Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
