I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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