a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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