I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
