She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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