do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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