I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
