why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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