I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
