i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize