Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
