Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bet he comes in French.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
