wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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