Dual....:-)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
