allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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