just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
