Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
