i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
