bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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