On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
