shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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