Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
