i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
