i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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