I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize