Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
