you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
