i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
