Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
