i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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