some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
