Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
