A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
accomplished twins. life is a go
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
