p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
