i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
