we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
