She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
pray to the hookup gods
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
