u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize