i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize