Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
