coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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