The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
