Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
