Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
