I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
