He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
