im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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