Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
