glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize