You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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