I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
