girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
