no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize