How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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