Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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